Mission complete! (well, not quite yet…)
Coward and loser, are the two words that I’ve been using repeatedly these days in my diary. Firstly, I’ve been living cowordly under the shield of my self-comfort zone almost the whole year. Secondly, I didn’t win anything constructively either…
I’ve been pretty grumpy this year while my doggie’s being good, better-behaved. I didn’t cut my hair this year, I’m waiting for some consultation, though I probably won’t take it anyway. I don’t know when I started talking in a manner that usually makes no sense at all, never being logical. Nor do I know since when I kept losing belongs and never managed to find them again so that I have to force myself to think of a way to regard them as something that marks the end of some period which is no special. I must confess that I am always fussy about these things, no appreciation, I know I shouldn’t have been like that because of what I realize is that the more work I put into looking for sth, the less chance I have to find it.
I don’t realy buy the ways both Harry Potter and The Lord of the Ring ended. Well, maybe, the heroes are doom to be disliked, overall, it’s films, what’d I expect? But, Albus and Gandolf are the kind of persons that I like most. The smiles and riddles of those old wise men can be extremely fascinating.
Oh, right, before I forgot, this suppose to be the end of the year summary which of course has nothing to do with the title, i’m just being naughty and trying to fool people around…hehe…
Since I’m running out of paper(obviously i’m not writing with paper here), I’m going to end this with the question someone raised:"How can we define ‘love’?" No, WE don’t wnat to define it cus nothing will fit. But recently, I suddenly found that it can be as simple as a sort affection given by a mother(be her yours or even not). The one moment of peace and warmth that I’ve been seeking for the whole year finally touched me at the very end of the time. I kept saying "no fair", but there’s actually nothing unfair there, it’s just how you think about it, and that’s what matters.
And like what the American says love and happiness, these are the two things you can only pursue but never have cus they lie all the way of your searching journey but not merely the end of it and it doesn’t have an end. It’s like, I can see a clearer picture of reality, I can analyze my past and draw a better conclusion, I can take a good guess of my future as well, but it is always to cruel to face. I was such a fool to idling around with those lights and delights that lays in my way…there’s no going back…that’s what I always have to remind myself, and that’s the darkness I have no chance to conquer or even to start the battle. There’s no hope.
To love and to be loved, to wait and to be waited that’s all beyond our ability and need no explanation. Throughout all these endless confrontation, a place that is restful, trustable and tacit, there, you can then place your fingures on this ancient kraft book, and see the words curved decently on the front the sentence as short as only four words: xxxx xxx xxxxx xx?
Yes, that’s the code, and that’s the sound which will echo with every door of your heart and that will never faint.
Happy New Year to all and all a good night!
KC
